When even coffee isn’t enough…

There are days where even coffee isn’t enough.  You wake up feeling like your head is full of wet, cold oatmeal and your eyeballs feel like someone emptied the sink trap into them.  And no, you haven’t even been drinking.
You creakily lever yourself to your feet, and sort of shamble and shuffle yourself into the [...]

Boycott Mr. Coffee NOW!

You know what I hate?  You know what just steams me? You know what chafes me worse than a steel wool g-string?
We’ve got ceramic needles and glass pipettes machined to such microscopically exacting tolerances that they can suck strands of DNA out of an ovum, but we can’t seem to engineer a coffee carafe that doesn’t dribble [...]

Death By Powerpoint

{{tucks, rolls, scans sector of fire.  Low-crawls up to laptop.}}
Ya know, the single greatest force multiplier for our military forces would be a vicious and unstoppable computer virus that utter destroys PowerPoint on all DOD computers.
You would not BELIEVE how many HOURS we spend “tweaking” the same damn brief, in order to make sure it [...]

Random Thoughts, # 426 in a series

-  When a dog barks incenssantly at 3:00am, is it the fault of the dog, or is it the fault of the owner for not installing a shock collar and cranking the thing up to “Flambe’?”  A dog barks.  Dogs are stupid.  A stupid dog barking non-stop for an hour at 3:00am for no apparent reason [...]

Diet is just “Die” with a “t”

If you are serious about weight loss, then there is NOTHING in a vending machine that you can eat.  Any vending machine.  Period.
Part of my high-speed new diet is to not eat anything with high-fructose corn syrup, or anything with sugar in the first five ingredients.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to [...]

Wired and Angry….

Perhaps the second-best coffee rant I’ve ever read.  In my life.  Ever.

Things I’ve learned in life…so far.

Coffee may not make the world a better place, but it sure can smooth off some of the rough edges.
Sometimes it’s better to be quiet than to be right.
There’s a certain delicious elegance to an afternoon spent in a hammock.
Never use Vic’s Vapor Rub as a personal lubricant.
Nothing in the world is more important than [...]

In praise of [lisp] Latte Creations [/lisp]

While I am an accomplished and devout coffee snob, I am also a sugar addict.  Therefore, though I go out of my way to buy freshly ground, holy-freakin’ Lord $7.00/lb hoity-toity “gourmet” coffee, I will also promptly turn around and drop $1.79 on some cheap, sugary frou-frou coffee “creamer.”
Yeah, I know.  I am a man of deep [...]