Archive for November, 2006

When I first checked CNN this morning for some after-action on the elections, I was greeted with this jewel center-page:

“Voters are today deciding which party will control Congress for the final two years of the Bush White House.  The Iraq war and recent GOP gaffes may give Democrats a boost to victory.”

Checking back just a few minutes laters, the tag line now reads: 

“Voters are today deciding which party will control Congress for the final two years of the Bush White House. Early exit polls indicated corruption and terrorism were the most important issues.”

When I first read the lead sentence, I almost screamed, “And Kerry’s little number was somehow insignificant?!!” Could it be that someone belatedly decided that the first snippet sounded a bit too, oh I dunno, partisan or biased?  Nyah. 

And why, oh why, does my coffee taste like licorice this morning, of all things?

I thought I’d do a little CAAT blogging.  I know, I know, it’s hard to believe I’ve been reduced to this level, but with things being so hectic around here, I don’t have much left in me but throwing up a picture of an adorable…

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Jasmine. The name always conjures up images of that night. That. Night. Oh what a night. It was late December, back in ’63. What a very special time, for me. It was everything I dreamed it’d be. What a lady, what a night. She had asked me in from out of the cold. The doorbell had rung as I pressed the aged ivory disk against the stop, releasing it only after the dim echoes of bells had clamored from somewhere deep within the imposing structure for a good 15 to 20 seconds. It was my last delivery of the night, and the pizza business was looking to be every bit as empty and unforgiving as a tax collector’s soul. Snow drifted down with a vague disinterest, as if falling from the sky was a mere afterthought, and piling up in deep, boot-filling drifts was merely an unfortunate consequence of a poor choice of career paths. I could relate.

The door swung open and so did my jaw. She was a vision, a goddess, an apparition I could scarce credit with actual existence. Raven black hair cascaded across ivory white skin… great, imposing acres of skin, pale, translucent yards of skin, draped ever so skillfully with a satin evening gown the color of oil smoke, or dare I say it, rich, black coffee brewed so dark and heavy it scarcely reflected light.

“Pizza, ma’am,” I remember stuttering between chalk-dry lips. You always hear the stories, usually reserved for pool boys and UPS deliverymen, but you never think it will actually happen to you. My heart pounded at the possibilities.

“Oh you precious DOLL!” she squeaked in voice high enough to shatter fine crystal. Great, pasty trunks of arms shot forward with the speed and accuracy of an Amazonian tree-frog’s tongue lashing out at a passing mosquito, snatching the three large pepperoni, mushroom and sauerkraut pies from my clammy palms. Then, her prizes secure, she turned a coquettish glance back over one expansive, mole-ridden shoulder, and with a pouty little moue added, “Poor dear. You look absolutely frozen! Come inside and let me make you something…hot.” She giggled. My heart leapt for joy!

I followed the great delicious heap of a woman deeper into her cavernous home. Amazing things were happening beneath that stygian gown, each step a miracle of human horsepower, driving the delectable mass of womanhood forward, great undulating waves of flesh fighting to and fro like two massive lava lamps locked in an eternal struggle for domination.

She plopped me down in front of the fridge, and pulled out a can of spiced coffee. She threw it in the microwave, can and all, and fired it up. Great showers of sparks danced inside the microwave, reflecting erotically in her deep-set brown eyes. Finally the delightful nectar was done, now filling a cracked, porcelain mug, warming my quivering hands. The dark beverage beckoned from within the cup, bobbing and sloshing back and forth like my entrancing hostess every time she turned. I drank deeply. Scalding nutty goodness coated my throat, filled my senses, and excited my nerves. In my mind, the sensual impacts of woman and coffee melded, became one. Strong, imposing, hiding hints of some bitter secret, made all the more delicious because of the mystery. Ah yes, she was my coffee, my stimulant, my refuge from the cold.

She smiled. I smiled. The coffee steamed, kept warm by the electric tension in the air. I took another sip, and another. I drank her in with my eyes as I drank it in with my lips. Her eyes twinkled, locked with mine, as I sipped my coffee, and as she fed piece after piece of pizza between massive, well-trained jowls. She giggled like a little schoolgirl as she wiped a bit of sauce from one of her chins. My, my, MY, what a woman!

Oh yes, I drank deeply that night. Deeply indeed.

Jumped. The. Shark.

Posted: November 2, 2006 in Blitherings

No caption really required, eh?

In case you hadn’t heard, apparently the former presidential candidate made a few “joking” remarks to the effect that if you didn’t study hard, and work the system, you could get “stuck in Iraq.”  Essentially suggesting, at least to me, that the people in Iraq were somehow not smart enough to keep themselves from getting sent over there?

Maybe Kerry might want to take a little gander at the casualty stats…and see the relatively high number of officers on the list.  ALL of whom have college degrees (it’s a requirement in order to get commissioned).  You’d think “LT” Kerry would know that.

Or maybe look at the stats on how many troops are taking correspondence college credit courses in addition to their full workload.

But more to the point, his view seems to be that a “smart” person would use their liberal education and connections to educate himself on ways to avoid military service — the very thing he has repeatedly accused Pres. Bush of trying to do!  So which is it, Sen. Kerry?  Is it the right answer to use your Ivy League education to avoid military service?  Is failing to somehow avoid an overseas deployment a mark of an ill-considered and ill-prepared life plan?

Or is using your Ivy League education to be released early from your National Guard obligations in order to run for public office reprehensible, perhaps even criminal? 

Hypocrisy, anyone?


Update:  According to Joe, I am being willfully intellectually dishonest.  In all honesty, I will admit more to editorial laziness than purposeful (self)deception in taking other blog posts and news snippets at face value without investigating further. Okay then, according to a CNN article:

Kerry was supposed to say, “I can’t overstress the importance of a great education. Do you know where you end up if you don’t study, if you aren’t smart, if you’re intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq.”

And what he actually ended up saying:

“You know, education, if you make the most of it, if you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, uh, you, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.”

I will admit that, based on what I’ve read, it’s likely that Kerry was really only trying to slam Bush and play up the somewhat threadbare “Bush is a goofy idiot” thing.  So, he was “only” going to insult the President of the United States.  Of course, that’s been done so much as to be really quite passe’ anymore.  But with Kerry, you stick with what works, right?

I guess part of the humor is that in the process of impugning someone else’s intelligence, he manages to pull off a pretty good Homer Simpson himself.

If for no other reason than this:

If the insurgents lose 100 fighters in a month, well, it’s just the cost of doing business.  They praise them as Holy Martyrs, and renew the calls for others to join in, “avenge their blood” and “honor their sacrifice with one of your own.”  Yada.  Yada. Yada.

If WE lose 100 fighters in a month, it’s a “soaring death rate” resulting in a “grim milestone” which brings “Bush’s failed policies in Iraq” into “stark relief.”  Losing 100 is an “indictment“, a “terrible waste“, which brings calls for resignations and impeachment.

And the insurgents watch our news.  Listen to our rhetoric.  And as Al Jazeera publishes call for renewed Jihad, our media is awash with horror stories of failure, a “struggling administration” trying desperately to maintain “bipartisan support” against increaingly “grave concerns.

Our enemy is not stupid.  Sometimes foolish, yes.  But not stupid.  They have to know that they have only to wait until the partisan cries and table pounding drive the American public and our elected leaders to move to the call of public whimsy rather than strategic necessity.  And then we leave, the fledgling government collapses, and Iraq turns into Somalia, descending into incessant tribal warfare and creating a humanitarian crisis worse than in Sudan or Ruwanda.

You can argue whether our strategies and tactics in Iraq are right or wrong, but I challenge you to argue that our policies at HOME are any better.